Featured Post

A + for The A-Word: The most authentic look at Autism on screen.

I worked for several years with a succession of autistic children—which mostly means boys—kids who were mainstreamed in regular education classrooms, with a classroom aide assigned to shadow them. That was me, the shadow. 

We also lived next door to a family who had an autistic son who became one of our son’s closest playmates, until we moved away at the end of elementary school. Chris, with his funny idiosyncrasies is the source of some very sweet memories, as well as moments of high drama. That’s what you get with autism, children who can be deeply involved when their needs and passions are directed and shared but who can sometimes find it frustrating when those needs are brushed aside. 

It’s typical for an autistic child to want to talk about dinosaurs—or whatever the passion is—and be frustrated while the rest of the kids have moved on to another topic. The autistic child is focused on that stegasaurus and exactly how cool it is, just not quite getting that the others don't shar…


Originally published in Children magazine.

What I Like Doing Best is Nothing! 

"What I like doing best," said Christopher Robin, "is doing nothing"
"How do you do nothing?" asked Pooh after he had wondered for a long time.
"Well, it's when people call out at you just as you're going off to do it, 'What are you going to do Christopher Robin?' and you say "Oh nothing' and then you go and do it"
"Oh, I see," said Pooh.
"This is a nothing sort of thing that we're doing now."
"Oh, I see," said Pooh again.
"It means just going along, listening to all the things you can't hear, and not bothering."
"Oh!" said Pooh.

So that's what doing nothing is.

Even back in 1928, when this Pooh story was written, the notion of letting children do nothing didn't last. When Christopher Robin prepares to go off to school he tells Pooh, "I'm not going to do nothing anymore." Pooh says 'Never?' and he answers, 'Well, not so much. They don't let you.'

These days we don't let them do nothing before they can even walk. Before we know it, we're arranging regular playdates and signing our children up for a dizzying array of Kiddy Klay, Swim and Gym, Pre-Tap and Toddler Tumbling classes.

Suddenly it's time for preschool and we think, well maybe that's enough scheduled activity for now, until we hear that Jimmy is taking piano because it's great for math skills and we don't want our children to miss out on that. Then Katy's mom says that there's this wonderful program where your kid gets to dress up in costumes and let their imaginations go wild. At the end of the ten weeks there's a performance and you can bring your video camera and your entire family.

So, instead of throwing a sheet over the clothesline for a curtain and tying that eighties reject scarf around his neck for a king's cape, you plonk down your $300 for ten weeks. You pick him up from preschool and explain to Sam's mother that he can't come and play today, maybe next week, maybe on Monday. But Sam has basketball on Mondays and T-ball on Wednesdays and your son has classses on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

Before you catch your breath, he's heading off to kindergarten and even if you've been one of the lucky ones who got to stay home for those early years, you're saying to yourself, "Wait a minute! Just where do you think you're going with my little boy?"

Everything happened so fast. Wasn't it yesterday they stuck that silly pale blue cotton beanie on his head and laid him on your chest, all eight pounds of him, your very own beanie baby to love forever? Now he's opening the car door and putting on his own seat belt and ordering you around. "Mom! Don't start the car yet. I'm not buckled in." (Okay, he's a little bossy but talk about safety conscious!)

They were a whirlwind, those five years. And whirlwinds don't need any help in the speeding up department. That's what they do -- move too fast. But we do hurry those five years along with all the classes and activities and play dates. Sure they're all good ways to build esteem, develop skill and make friends, but what about daydreaming and doing nothing? Can you remember the last time you looked out in the backyard and saw your child staring at the clouds? Can you remember your kid just sitting and dreaming and, like Christopher Robin, 'looking at the world with his chin in his hand'?

These days it's mostly "Come on, come on! You're going to be late for class." Who has time to lay on the grass and listen to a wind chime tinkling in the breeze?

My son just turned five*. He'll be going off to kindergarten in the fall, and believe me, I wonder where the lazy, do-nothing days went. And I believe a child's need to do nothing is as vital as his need to attend that Cooking for Kids class. Okay, maybe even more vital.

Last week we were at the park with a group of playmates and the kids were running wild, playing chase. Suddenly my son left the game and burrowed into the bottom of the tub slide. He lay there with his arms behind his head, his legs curled above him, the tips of his tennies tapping against the red plastic. Nothing was wrong, he was simply taking a break from all the hubbub for a little think. Taking a little time out to look at the world. You can't do that when you're running around, you know.

I thought to myself, thank goodness you know how to carve out your own space to dream in. Heaven knows, I didn't teach you that. I was so concerned with you being happy and encouraged and stimulated and developed, I forgot to just let you be.

Five years. That's all they get. Let's help our kids find their way back to the Hundred Acre Woods. When you see your child staring out the window, face pressed to the glass, don't worry that he's bored and try not to think about the smudges he's making. If you ask him what he's doing and he says, "Oh nothing," smile and say, "Good job, honey," and then go happily on your way, knowing that doing nothing is a most important thing to do."

* My little boy is twenty one now and he can still be caught staring at the sky. As can I.


  1. Ah, dear old Pooh! This was a lovely piece of writing and so true! I had small kidlets once (now grown) and have worked as a daycare supervisor for 33 years. I believe what you say: kids need to be able to just 'be' and 'do nothing'. All this organization is crazy. Let them be creative. Let them have fun!

  2. Hi, I like what you have written. I especially liked the piece about your husband working in the film industry. A different sort of experience than what one would automatically imagine. I am new at blogging. My blog is The Dishpan Chronicles. I will definately look in at yours......I just bought a Pooh and Piglet card for a baby boy yesterday. Have a good weekend.


Post a Comment

Thanks for stopping by and sharing your comments. Insecure writer at work.

Popular Posts

My Mother’s Voice [memoir]

A + for The A-Word: The most authentic look at Autism on screen.

Queen Me

Peter Panned: The Peter Pan Statue in Kensington Park

Dirt, sex and Dr. Zhivago [memoir]