It’s #ThrowbackThursday and I don’t think I could throw it back any further than this, my earliest memory.
There's darkness everywhere, shapeless black all around except for a blur of wavering yellow light in the distance. Something has woken me up. Muffled voices in the darkness; a man's—deep, hushed, whispering. Then another—higher pitched, a lady's? My mother's? I hear my name, "Simone" but I can't make out the rest; just sharp, staccato sounds. A shadow crosses the yellow light, so huge it blocks the brightness, and there's nothing but blackness again. The dark shadow, darker than the darkness, is moving fast, coming closer, heading towards me and I'm too terrified to move or breathe or close my eyes. If I stay perfectly still maybe it won't get me. I watch as the black blur moves towards me, growing larger as it comes closer and closer and just as it reaches under the blanket to scoop me up with its big hands, I want to cry because I can tell from the smell that it's my father. "It's Daddy" he says, pulling a blanket around me, and I relax into his arms. I still can't make him out properly but I know it's him, the way his neck feels, warm and bristly, the way his skin smells of cigarettes and Brylcreem. He moves with me toward the yellow light, and I see now that it's the ceiling lamp in the hallway. There are tiny bugs frozen behind the frosted glass just like always.
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